“If we let ourselves, we shall always be waiting for some distraction or other to end before we can really get down to our work. The only people who achieve much are those who want knowledge so badly that they seek it while the conditions are still unfavorable. Favorable conditions never come.”
― C.S. Lewis
I’ve been thinking a lot about time, and the spending of it. I go through my days, spending my time, as if there were an infinite supply of the stuff. I have periods of great energy, great productivity, and then I slump. I hit the proverbial wall. I do the minimums. Get through my days, do my basic chores, exist. This is a frequent lament.
Why do I cycle? I can’t point to any outside influence. There are times of hurriedness, of pressure, and periods of casualness. This isn’t solely about having weekend time, or time carved out of a traditional work life. It is about a cycle of energy and creativity.
I’ve finally come to see this cycle as a break in my ability to create. And I’ve come to recognize that my creativity thrives when I am writing or engaged (whatever the activity) for the pure pleasure and desire to be creative. I am not writing or creating for other purposes. Something more may eventually come from my creativity. Let it! I would love to experience new opportunities because of work I’ve done. But for me, the work should be done for its own reward, and stand on its own merit, first. And here is where I also acknowledge: I am my own audience. This is not an exercise in self-absorption; it is an exercise in self-expression. I am writing, creating, to express myself. Period. If something I write or create touches someone else, I am humbled and happy. But that is not the focus. It can’t be the focus. Because I am not a wise woman, sharing knowledge with others. I don’t have profound thoughts. I have thoughts. I am a woman, sharing my experiences. Others can determine if there is wisdom, or joy, or humor, or anything else of value. I have come to see that creativity is its own reward.
I began this year thinking that I wanted to create a new way to work, and that I wanted to channel my work through writing, through online opportunities. I still want that end result. But I am coming around to the realization that, for me, this process has to begin with the desire to write, rather than the desire to create income. The two may be connected. Or not. I don’t have the answer to that yet. But I know that if I am writing from the heart, the practical details will sort themselves out in time. That’s the nature of life. Maybe some people can make it work from the other direction: set a goal and create to fulfill it. I can’t, and it’s time I acknowledge that.
This is similar to the thought I had years ago when my hobbies included cross stitch embroidery and handcrafting fabric (rag) dolls. I decided to never force myself to work on a project – they were my hobbies, for fun, and I didn’t want them to seem like jobs.
You know, I’ve struggled with this too. I love to bake, but have never tried to take it to a professional level because I didn’t want that joy to become work. I’m still sorting out how I feel about writing. It is evolving! Mostly, I just need to acknowledge that my blog is not about making money, and it should be about fun, connecting with others, and self-expression. I still hope that I can eventually generate income from writing, but it will be different writing. This is just my fun outlet! Thanks for sharing! ~ Sheila
Oh, so true!…Actually my simple writings…are for me…I write to release something inside of me that wants to create…You said it well…It brings me pleasure to do my little thing..but, if I’m rewarded with a kind word or comment …that’s just the “icing on the cake”…and right now that is a “Good Thing” ~mkg
Thank you! I so appreciate it when someone takes the time to read and comment. It is really rewarding when I feel I’ve said something that resonates! Just had to think about why I’m doing this…I don’t want to kid myself that I have this huge audience! This has been a great way to find creativity, for me. ~ Sheila