Rob is coming home this morning. After a week apart, my heart is singing to see him again. I tell him, “It’s mo betta with two,” a silly phrase left over from a vacation a while back.
I’m astonished to recognize, after thirty years together, that I feel stronger about him now than when we were young and “in love.” You would think we would be worn out with each other. We are in love now, but without quotation marks. We have been through nitty and gritty, through thick and thin. And truly, what relationship of any depth doesn’t weather the ups and downs? We are hardly unique.
But what I see now is that we are finally in a place to appreciate each other, to be together, without all the noise. Without the daily stress of family raising, career building, without the need to protect or reserve part of self. We are free to be ourselves, and to be together. If that sounds trite, so be it. I can’t explain it better.
These moments don’t come all at once. They build over time, and recognition is slow for me. I’ve known all this for a while. But separation makes it fresh, brings it home again. My partner is coming home. And while we are not always right for each other, we are always good for each other. We are perfect together. It’s mo betta with two.
My husband and I have been married 31 years and we feel exactly the same way. Your words perfectly describe our journey. Appreciation, love and the whole experience. Who could ask for more?
Thank you for saying that! Sometimes I worry that I sound either like a teenager, or an idiot! But the sad truth is that many couples I know who have managed to stay together this long don’t seem to care very much for each other. They seem worn out. I think those of us who have been fortunate to keep the relationship alive and well after so many years are unusual. And maybe lucky that we’ve been able to stay married and in love.
Sheila
I love this; what a perfect post about real love – deep love – that evolves. As you stated, when you get ahead of the work and the details, it’s the love, the comfort, the knowing each other (and appreciating each other) that resonates.
I’m with you – many couples I know who are together don’t even seem to enjoy each other. Sad.
I am proud to say I am my husband’s girlfriend (wink).
Have fun re-connecting!!
PS love the new format!
MJ
I’m glad it rings true for you too. I can tell from your posts that you have a great relationship. I wish I could say that has always been true for us. We were caught for a long time in the cycle of hectic living and not enough time for each other. But we have done a lot to change that situation, and it is good to know that hopefully, the best is yet to be. ~ Sheila
Although my hubby and I have only been married 10 years, we’ve known each other for 40. Our love is based on the friendship we shared for all those many years. So I understand exactly what you’re describing- and it’s such a good, comfy feeling.
I do believe time is a critical element in getting to this point. So much of the early stages of life are just about survival, and taking care of others. Even when family life is good, it is still hectic and crazy. I think that is just part of parenting, and part of young marriages. I loved that time too. But I’m glad to be in this phase of life, when we finally get to breathe and really appreciate each other.
Forty years of knowing your husband! I think that’s as much as milestone as your ten year anniversary!
Congratulations! ~ Sheila
What you are describing is what we are all trying to achieve – the quiet peaceful love that is just that and nothing else. It’s good to know it exists in the world.
Some days, it really does exist! Other days we get distracted, grumpy, busy with life. The challenge is to have more of the good days than the other kind! I’m a slow learner, but I am learning! I know from your posts that you are a great learner too, so I’m willing to bet you’re ahead of me on a lot of these things!
Sheila